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We and They

“So you are the ‘they’ in that’s what they say!”, a classic Gary Larson “Far Side” moment depicting a furtive looking man crouched against a very dated phone. Good stuff, but really, who the hell are ‘they’ supposed to be anyway? In today’s world of combative politics, ‘they’ are all over the damn place and working in diabolically efficient unison to ensure that whatever is worst for everyone becomes incontrovertible reality from now until the Big Crunch, the Rapture, or whatever uncontrollable event happens to wipe us out. If they have their way, it’s going to be a real piss of a time until then, except we assume of course, for them.

Anyone reading this is assuredly not part of a they. We all know they are far too busy watching Fox News, plotting to blow up the Occupy Headquarters in the back of that Staten Island Denny’s, oiling up automatic weapons to guard against the liberal military, and installing holy water sprinkler systems in all the public schools. They want concentration camps for all illegal immigrants, forced public conversion of all the Jews, illegalization of all homosexuality to eradicate the unnatural desires, restoration of Jim Crow and smallpox blankets, and the enforced manufacture of all shitty plastic pieces of crap here in the good old US of A. Preferably all before the second coming of Christ, expected literally any second now.

Not one to stand around and wait for them to get me, I decided to see what’s what. If I can understand them, I can defeat them. Also, if I can dodge a wrench, I can dodge a ball. Oh, the agony of cherished sacred beliefs found untrue! I nosed around their camp and heard tale of an even more terrible them lurking about. They are dedicated to the destruction of America, an imposition of Stalin era atheism, Castronic socialism, mandated sodomy in schools, redistribution of all firearms from private citizens to convicted criminals, sensational televised abortions for every woman, Taliban erections, and a Spanish option on bank ATMs. Dear god! How did we not hear about this? This new ‘they’ are just as bad as ‘them’ we oppose!

I’m sure by now you are all rolling your eyes and saying, “Yeah, yeah, we’ve all heard the old ‘we met the enemy and they are us’ bit lifted from antediluvian comic strip ‘Pogo’. Can we now assume it’s kumbya time?”. Um, nope. Yes, I do like to emphasize the commonality of all humans, but there is no denying that some severe polarization going on and people have strong opinions regarding many of these issues. What I’m saying is that it’s gotten ridiculous and it’s long past time to dial it back a bit because what is being advertised is not a good representation of the average.

I am by no means non-partisan, but can admit my side does it as well. I myself get riled up at the idea of an evangelical American Taliban regime dedicated to scourging the earth of LGBTQ scum. In reality, everyone who falls in the highly religious or evangelical spectrum I have come out to has been very nice about it and supportive. It doesn’t mean that I’m going to vote that way, especially when it seems the most batshit crazy folks seem to be running. The kind who do go and label the Girl Scouts, arguably one of the sweeter and more wholesome national organizations, radical left wing terrorists, based simply on a quick internet search optimized to their preferences. Don’t even get me started on “men of god” who advocate punching innocent children in the face or creating electrified compounds here in America. OK, maybe the time finally has come around to start flinging about Hitler comparisons again.

We are never all just going to get along. In fact, we are going to go head to head over issue after issue until the end of time, and every time we do, we are going to assume the other side is secretly in cahoots with the evil fiery eye of Sauron from Lord of the Rings. It’s going to happen, but by bringing guns to knife fights the real point of contention gets lost quickly. Personally, I don’t want to wait longer for equal rights because the other side brought a level 28 vorpal sword of ultimate nullification to my game of checkers. That last bit was a nod to my gamer geek friends, who let’s face it, are so terrible they make the Mexican drug lords look like the Care Bears. No exaggeration.

Sorry for the ramble. It’s Memorial Day here in America and I get a little miffed when after serving honorably in the military, and being a swell stand up citizen for 40 years, there is a significant portion of the population who still doesn’t think I deserve the same Constitutional rights as the wacky lunk who’s going to be shouting at me through a megaphone next weekend.

About michellelianna

I'm a transgender woman now in the maintenance stages of transition having all the electrolysis and surgery one can reasonably be expected to undertake. While busy exploring my new world, I took to blogging about it with dubiously popular results. I don't have quite as much to say as I used to, but I'm not quite done yet either.

3 responses »

  1. When my son was maybe 13 and saw a group of men brandishing knives at a house next door to his school and told his teacher about “the knife fight”, the teacher simply said to him that they were just having a discussion.

    I hope you don’t take this the wrong way but you’re too much, Michelle and, so far, this is the best Memorial Day comment I have read all day.

    Given that fact that I am taking two testosterone blockers now, I have found it harder to stir up the old testosterone in me and get all riled up for no good reason than to entertain myself and would rather let others do it for me.

    I think I’ll go use my new skills as a bartender and make myself a pitcher of margaritas and throw some dogs on the grill, if I had one, that is!


  2. Michelle, I find people to be inventers of hate not all but most in one way or two or more. We are every day thinking up new ways to wage war to kill eachother for what ever reason. People are more garded than ever.The state of Ohio is thinking about letting anyone without a Felony Conviction carry a gun without a permit, Damb! I don’t get it and there is a lot of people that see no problem with this, think about it. I do not like Religon I believe it is at the center of most of the crap thats wrong with this world. Have more kids, the devil is to blame not me, kill all that dosen’t believe the way we do, fosil records are a lie the world is only seven thousand years old, the term hierarchy crimes against the church, women obey and serve men. No equal rights there, if anything I hate Religon. I don’t think we are really all that smart and I think I will stop there.

  3. I love it when you get on your pink pulpit and preach! 🙂

    Way to sneak in Tolkein and gaming into the same post. That may be close to the geek grand slam.

    Hypocrisy will be with us as long as people feel the need to impose their beliefs on others. We should really try to see if that radical live and let live philosophy has any merits.

    Let’s just lead by example and feel sorry for those who are so insecure that they have to hate others to make themselves feel better.




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