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Swinging In the Wind…

Ever feel like your rear end is just kind of hanging out there in the wind? OK, not like you are wearing drop seat pajamas and forgot to button them or something coming back from the outhouse. I mean come on, this isn’t ‘Little House on the Prairie’, even when we kind of sometimes want it to be, you know, aside from having an outhouse. Ew. No, I’m talking about my work situation yet again.

Last Friday two of my employees came up to me and said, “Have you heard? The reason they are building another bathroom on the first floor is that someone here is getting a sex change!” After working this with HR very covertly since last August, it still came as a surprise that the information finally escaped the black hole of the secure room and was being presented to me in the form of a question. Before I could even answer, a round of speculation began, mainly centered around a poor young engineer with the misfortune of having moobs, as well as an IT guy who is about 6’4”, 280 lbs. I honestly had no idea what to say. I kept it non-committal and honest. “Wow, I really am surprised to hear that.” Seriously, I was.

So now it is out there. Yikes. They don’t know who, but I don’t think it would take Batman or even the cantankerous old Office Krupke  to start putting the pieces together. My eyebrows have been slowly whittled down to less than third the former thickness and no longer sport the old Bert from Sesame Street look. I also went from having a heavy 5 o’clock shadow by 8 AM to having none at all (yay!). And why hasn’t anyone noticed my moobs, I mean boobs? OK, they are real, although perhaps not yet exactly spectacular, but still. Wait, or have people noticed all or some of these things?

Now I’m feeling out in the wind. If I’m the subject of some intense water cooler gossip, I’m fairly certain no one would bother telling me. Lord knows when I’m dishing about someone, my first instinct isn’t to run over and let them know about it. I’ve also gotten the heebie jeebies that some people are looking at me different, or avoiding me all together. A year ago this would have driven me crazy with paranoia and kept me hiding in my cube most of the day. Now though, maybe people know and maybe they don’t, but either way, I simply don’t care. It’s a pretty nice feeling, I have to admit. My back flap is probably hanging down to the back of my knees for everyone to see, and I find it pretty refreshing.

I found this isn’t quite true of everyone. I let the HR director know the cat was out of the bag and he wasn’t terribly pleased. Not one bit. He made mention of the time table having to be moved up, which I was pretty thrilled about. This is taking way too long as it is. Apparently Plan A for the bathroom project came up bust due to some misleading plumbing plans, so Plan B is going into effect. I know, I know, but this is how they want to accommodate me, so I’m just rolling with it. I think he was miffed that his super secret “need to know” information was leaked so easy. I explained I was not upset about it (i.e. litigious), so all is well there, though still waiting for the official coming out date.

Now I wait, but a little more patiently. It’s days now, or weeks at the most as opposed to months or worse. My biggest concern is what I’m going to wear on my first day here. I can think of much worse problems to have.

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About michellelianna

I'm a transgender woman now in the maintenance stages of transition having all the electrolysis and surgery one can reasonably be expected to undertake. While busy exploring my new world, I took to blogging about it with dubiously popular results. I don't have quite as much to say as I used to, but I'm not quite done yet either.

9 responses »

  1. Great blog here! Additionally your site quite a bit up very
    fast! What host are you using? Can I am getting your affiliate link to your host?
    I want my web site loaded up as fast as yours lol

    Reply
  2. I call them my “girls”. Also sometimes trying to keep things under wraps is a sure bet that people will take notice and either ask questions or just make something up to satisfy their own curiosity! Look at Roswell 1947.

    Reply
  3. You must be wearing a lot of loose fitting clothing to work, because your moobs are the first thing I noticed about the new you.

    Reply
    • Boobs Dan, boobs. “Moobs” is ‘our’ word. 🙂 OK, it’s not, but nevertheless. I would be inclined to be deeply flattered, but in full truth, I am as of the moment, still in the habit of, well, enhancing to avoid looking 40 going on 11.

      Reply
  4. I felt the same way because they were at first keeping their distance, I didn’t know how to take this at first. Than the, Did you here and What do you think started, sound familiar? Your starting to look the part but your not seeing it, they do so they narrowed it down to you. I ended up picking out the biggest gossip that I knew, that I could stand and explained myself.to her. I told her that I have always seen myself as a woman and that I couldn’t pretend any longer, I spared her the details, I mean it took me the better part of a year to understand it myself so I couldn’t expect her to get in 30 sec.or less, so that was my personal introduction. As you could imagine the word ran though the district like a grease fire in a trailer park, I learned this from working in a factory for 30 years, faster than the speed of light. You can trust some people the problem comes when they think they can trust someone else. Things will be fine, thankfully people get board fast and their attention spans are usually short. I swear I’ve read this word for word before, maybe not. Michelle thanks again for a wonderful read. Those of us that’s has been there can really relate.
    Love Tedie

    Reply
    • Thanks Tedie! The funny thing though, now that it is Wed and no one has said a single word more about it, I would be inclined to think the rumor either petered out quickly or people simply don’t care, which would be nice. I traced it down to the facilities supervisor who only knew the reason why the work was being done, but no other details. Dammit. I was hoping to force this out in the open quickly as I”m tired of waiting.

      Love, Michelle

      Reply
  5. The best laid plans…… I too found myself losing control of my situation. My solution was to say the heck with it and push everything forward and deal with the feedback as it came.

    Personally, I’m glad I did that. I didn’t have time to fret about what was going to happen. I just had to react. The entire uproar died down in less than two days.

    It’s a lot like getting into a cold swimming pool. You can go in slowly and draw out the pain or just dive in the deep end and get it over with.

    When you do pull the trigger, know that I will be here rooting for you all the way, and also available to vent after the bad days. Worst case, you can run over here to Scotland and hide for a while if everything melts down.

    Love,
    Becky

    Reply
    • Totally agree Becky! I am so ready to jump in now it’s not funny. The sun is hot on my back and I’m itching to take the plunge. Well, this weekend is the big Allentown Art Festival in Buffalo, and you can bet I’m going. If I’m lucky I’ll be spotted by someone from work and that will be that. I won’t have broken my word to HR, and the wheels will have to move fast. Ah, I can never get that lucky. 🙂

      Hiding out in Scotland sounds pretty darn pleasant anyway though! I’m very much hoping to take you up on your offer before you move. 🙂 Same goes here too by the way, if you are ever so inclined to witness the majestic wonder of Niagara Falls, or what we locally call, that damn place we are stuck going to with out of town guests, please consider the offer extended. Seriously though, I love Buffalo and love to show it off, so never hesitate to take me up on it!

      Love, Michelle

      Reply
      • I will gladly take you up on the invitation when I’m back financially able to travel, and of course I would make you show me all of the damn touristy places.

        The art festival idea is actually brilliant. You can’t help it if you run into somebody. I used a local library frequented by students from my College for the same purpose. It works.

        Love,
        Becky

        Reply

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