Ever feel like your rear end is just kind of hanging out there in the wind? OK, not like you are wearing drop seat pajamas and forgot to button them or something coming back from the outhouse. I mean come on, this isn’t ‘Little House on the Prairie’, even when we kind of sometimes want it to be, you know, aside from having an outhouse. Ew. No, I’m talking about my work situation yet again.
Last Friday two of my employees came up to me and said, “Have you heard? The reason they are building another bathroom on the first floor is that someone here is getting a sex change!” After working this with HR very covertly since last August, it still came as a surprise that the information finally escaped the black hole of the secure room and was being presented to me in the form of a question. Before I could even answer, a round of speculation began, mainly centered around a poor young engineer with the misfortune of having moobs, as well as an IT guy who is about 6’4”, 280 lbs. I honestly had no idea what to say. I kept it non-committal and honest. “Wow, I really am surprised to hear that.” Seriously, I was.
So now it is out there. Yikes. They don’t know who, but I don’t think it would take Batman or even the cantankerous old Office Krupke to start putting the pieces together. My eyebrows have been slowly whittled down to less than third the former thickness and no longer sport the old Bert from Sesame Street look. I also went from having a heavy 5 o’clock shadow by 8 AM to having none at all (yay!). And why hasn’t anyone noticed my moobs, I mean boobs? OK, they are real, although perhaps not yet exactly spectacular, but still. Wait, or have people noticed all or some of these things?
Now I’m feeling out in the wind. If I’m the subject of some intense water cooler gossip, I’m fairly certain no one would bother telling me. Lord knows when I’m dishing about someone, my first instinct isn’t to run over and let them know about it. I’ve also gotten the heebie jeebies that some people are looking at me different, or avoiding me all together. A year ago this would have driven me crazy with paranoia and kept me hiding in my cube most of the day. Now though, maybe people know and maybe they don’t, but either way, I simply don’t care. It’s a pretty nice feeling, I have to admit. My back flap is probably hanging down to the back of my knees for everyone to see, and I find it pretty refreshing.
I found this isn’t quite true of everyone. I let the HR director know the cat was out of the bag and he wasn’t terribly pleased. Not one bit. He made mention of the time table having to be moved up, which I was pretty thrilled about. This is taking way too long as it is. Apparently Plan A for the bathroom project came up bust due to some misleading plumbing plans, so Plan B is going into effect. I know, I know, but this is how they want to accommodate me, so I’m just rolling with it. I think he was miffed that his super secret “need to know” information was leaked so easy. I explained I was not upset about it (i.e. litigious), so all is well there, though still waiting for the official coming out date.
Now I wait, but a little more patiently. It’s days now, or weeks at the most as opposed to months or worse. My biggest concern is what I’m going to wear on my first day here. I can think of much worse problems to have.