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So… Looks Like They Found My Blog…

“Just so you know, links to your blog are zipping around the building.” It’s not exactly the kind of thing I was expecting to hear from my boss mid afternoon yesterday. Yikes. Well, that’s a hell of a thing. OK, I did kind of know because it’s been mentioned to me enough times already, but anyone who knows me should understand by now that I have the ability to mentally gloss over inconvenient truths until I figure out how to deal with them. No, no, no.. that was the old way. Let’s just do this.

My first thought is that I should start sounding more like “Work Michelle”, but that simply isn’t going to cut it here. For one, Work Michelle is about as interesting as the row of desiccated apples I keep on my desk for some reason. Really, I do, and it’s not a trans thing or anything. Trust me; I’m odd on my own, completely separated from this whole transition business. I think I’m going to keep things the same, but I’ll use this opportunity to put a couple of clarifications in print to keep everyone square and indemnify myself from fucking things up too badly.

The original intent of this blog project was to put some thoughts to print as a way of working things out for myself. Kind of a thinking out loud deal where I don’t get strange looks wandering the mall, or barring that, stranger looks. To my surprise, people started reading my hastily scrawled posts and commenting, so I switched gears and used it as a shaky platform to address trans issues either I didn’t understand or had my own spin on. Kind of a ‘By Trans For Trans’ thing like FUBU, but without a pronounceable acronym. Because of this, I tend to use a heaping load of jargon most people don’t have any reason whatsoever to know unless they got stuck talking to me in person for a while and I wouldn’t shut up about it.

Now I know there are cisgender people lurking here as well. Most of them probably never even knew they were cisgender, and even now filling up with resentful rage because they think I’m calling them names. Let me nip that one right now. Yes, I know for sure that I’m pissing off other trans folks all the time, mainly because they tell me directly, but that’s OK because sometimes that is exactly what I’m trying to do. For those of you not trans, none of my clever little digs are aimed at you, and if it seems they are, understand that I tend to say a lot in jest. Yes, yes, I know, “Much truth is said in jest”, so don’t get all Shakespherical on me. All of jest is also said in jest, so when in doubt, that is the final answer.

Since it was never my intention to be a source of education on trans issues, and I don’t really want to make this blog about that, please understand this site is not exactly Trans 101, but instead is like picking up a 4th year calculus text with the exception of not being smart or accurate. I will, however, draft up a glossary later this weekend and make another tab for easy reference, and also try to figure a way to wedge in a small presentation if Christina [ahem!] ever gets around to sending it to me.

To sum it all up, at work, I’ll be at work and probably not nearly as entertaining. Here, everyone is welcome, but please understand that blog stuff is blog stuff and is in no way intended to be a reflection upon the secretive yet delightful company I work for but won’t be mentioning by name here. I ask everyone does the same please. Finally, although I write in good fun, try to see the lighter side of things, make half assed attempts to be funny and all that, from time to time I do post on some heavier topics that are really aimed at the trans crowd. I’m never doing this to look for sympathy or make anyone uncomfortable, but the trans population has much to discuss and here is where I got comfortable doing it.

Finally, (yes, I said finally a few times already, but I don’t have time to back edit and keep thinking of more things as I ramble on), if anyone is here looking for a good idea of what to expect in the near future, you can expect me. Same me, same sense of humor, same work ethic (if not even better), but looking just a tiny bit different. I was never super comfortable being the center of attention, and although this transition business kind of deep sixed that for a while, my feeling about it really hasn’t changed. As I can see it, none of this really has to be hard, and I’m open to discuss anything. 🙂

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About michellelianna

I'm a transgender woman now in the maintenance stages of transition having all the electrolysis and surgery one can reasonably be expected to undertake. While busy exploring my new world, I took to blogging about it with dubiously popular results. I don't have quite as much to say as I used to, but I'm not quite done yet either.

9 responses »

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  3. Hey there sis,

    Being a center of attention wasn’t and isn’t a good spot for me either. I just tried to hang in there when I was ‘out’ and try not to out myself and others who may not be ready to be out but are finding some things are just inevitable. But so the change becomes not as big and, like a sunbeam, slowly moves across the floor such that you aren’t even aware of it’s movement, so your movement to your true self should also be guided along that light path. Your comfort will make others aware instead of movement, there is just delight that you are there.

    That makes all the difference!

    Reply
  4. I don’t like attention eater and I certainly don’t need to be someones project that satisfies some curiosity about me or what I’m going through, I’ve had this experience and I found it to be a very uncomfortable one. I also got my “Jesus Hate You Because Your Gay Pamphlet” This was a very Special moment for me.
    I stayed calm, I didn’t react, that would just empower them. I think these people, all of them, Love what you write, some just won’t admit it and others are just doing their part and giving you more material to work with, their just trying to help:) I read everything you say here, It always puts a smile on my face and get me thinking. I think you have been giving us a wonderful insight in to another version of life in transition, Thank you!
    Tedie

    Reply
    • Thanks Tedie! I know, I’m so looking forward to this whole center of attention thing fading away like an oil spot from the driveway, except I don’t have any kitty litter and some of it is always going to be visible. Still haven’t received any pamphlets yet, but I’m so looking forward to it! I’ll scan it, post it here, and then have some real fun. 🙂

      Love, Michelle

      Reply
  5. Hiya Sis,
    Always an interesting moment when you find out that a whole lot of people who you would never have imagined giving two hoots about what you write start hanging on every word as if it was the only thing that ever happened in your mind or in your life.

    Your writing has always kept a fresh view of a difficult subject and I really think that your new popularity will help to open some minds to understand that we really are just like other people on the hopes, fears and humour side. We just have a little something about us that they may find just a little hard to understand.

    Keep going with your slightly off-centre view of the world. You what they about people who can’t take a joke.

    Love,

    Becky

    Reply
    • Thank you Becky! I’m finally off the worry train on this one. I’m hoping this does some good if it can, and for those it won’t, have them finally shrug their shoulders and go back to cruising the porn sites. A number of people have told me they don’t get this, but support me anyway, and it’s really only that last part I actually care about.:-)

      Love, Michelle

      Reply
  6. AAAHH Yes! The haters do find us!
    You have a perfectly delightful look on trans life.
    My favorite in- family quote…”Don’t let the A-Holes get you down” has gotten to me several times in the cyber world. They have!
    As more people began to notice me, the very simple basic idea of mine for an on line diary of sorts was turned into a dart board (on occasion) by haters who mainly identified themselves as TS.
    I was trashed for starting hormones late in life and even the joy of living a dual gendered life.
    I so much love to slap them back but on the other hand it takes me away from the peeps who seem to appreciate my labors the most-the new girls on the block.
    Keep on keepin’ on!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
    • Thanks so much Crysti! So far most of the trans negativity I have gotten is over on PE from people I imagine either have a hobby trolling sites and wheeling out the snark, or simply have such fragile views of themselves that my ramblings manage to piss them off for some reason. I’m totally with you sister, don’t let anyone tell you you’re doing it wrong when it’s right for you. Right behind you all the way!

      Love, Michelle

      Reply

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