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5 New Year’s Resolutions I’m Bound To Regret Tomorrow


In spite of all expectations to the contrary, I have managed to remain alive for the duration of 2012. I can’t say I’m not excited to see it shifted into the ‘old business’ file, but I did in fact survive it. It wasn’t the worst year I’ve ever had by a long shot. 2011 was the super suck ass year of my life, and 2000 wasn’t really a whole lot better. It’s OK, I’m not going to dwell on past, but look boldly forward to the ripe possibilities that 2013 is going to bring.

It’s customary for people to draft New Year’s resolutions on New Year’s Day, but I’m getting started a little early. Clearly not a whole lot unless you take into account that I drafted this post one rainy morning a few weeks ago, but still. It’s OK because it’s in accordance with the first item on my list. Get ahead of the game. Where the theme of 2012 was ‘Embrace the Awkward’, the theme of 2013 is going to be ‘Do Really Hard Things’.  With no further ado, my resolutions for this year.

1. Get Ahead of the Game: I’ll be perfectly honest; I’m what people usually refer to as a “horrible procrastinator”. I’m not sure why as I usually sneak in right under the wire in a flurry of confusion, sweat, and abject panic. I love to tell myself that I work well under pressure, but the rare instances in which I started on time have proven I work just as well, if not better, when I have buckets of time at my disposal. I’m going to go one better and not just start on time, but early. Why is this so hard? I don’t really believe in the future. I have no expectation that next week or even tomorrow is really a thing, so it seems foolish not to push unpleasant tasks forward into this hypothetical black hole of unreality. After being proven wrong for 41 straight years, I resolve to act as if the future is real, and imminent.

2. Conquer My Fear of the Dentist: Over the past 3 years I have managed to conquer almost all of my pants wetting fears. Specifically, heights, public speaking, and having everyone find out I’m trans. This is good because it just might give me the final push I need to face the granddaddy of them all. The dentist. While I blithely subject myself to endless hours of tortuous facial lasering or electrocution with nary a moment’s sleep missed over it, I wake up screaming from night terrors in which a pleasant dental assistant is coming at my mouth with that awful hook thing. Ugh! In the mean time, my teeth need some serious work as there is like one spot left I can chew on without blinding agony. So, time to face that demon. Crap, I just realized that to comply with item 1, I need to book an appointment like right now. Seriously, I’m my own worst enemy.

3. Be a Tough Mudder: OK, my motivation for this comes in three parts. A friend at work ran this insanely hard competition last year, and my competitive nature tells me that if she can do it, so can I. Second, I have a burning desire to get into fantastically great shape just because, and training for an obstacle course that makes Navy SEALs cry sounds as good a motivation any. Finally, I want to be able to tell people I’m a real tough mudder. If you know me, you will understand that the last one will probably spurn me on like nothing else. I probably should have started training already since the thing is in July, but well, that’s the reason #1 is on the list.

4. Complete Transition: Yes, this means what you think it does. I’m seriously sick of being in the middle of this transition business and more than ready to have it done already. Oh, it’s been fun and all, but time to ramp it up, finish the hair removal business, and schedule my consultation. My endo says I’m ready, my gender specialist says I’m ready, and more importantly, I know I’m ready. It’s going to be a big push, but I’m looking forward to the day when I can turn this blog into something with knitting or cute pictures of marsupials theme. Yes, yes, I still have to call and schedule my consult. I’m really fucking myself with that stupid first item.

5. Actually Write the Damn Thing Already: This is probably not a huge shocker, but I have completed a strong detailed outline for a book. Yes, I will most likely have to self-publish, but nevertheless, I’m going to do it. Why write one? Fame? Fortune? Ha, nothing of the kind. I simply want to lord it over two old friends who used to bicker about who would be published first. I think if I win I get treated to my pick of any Grand Slam offering at Denny’s. I probably could have been done by now if I worked on it instead of futzing about with this blog, but you know, old number one.

OK, I think 5 huge ass resolutions are enough for this year. It’s OK though, I’m going to do this. To all of you who have been reading my drivel for some reason I’m still not sure I understand, a very Happy New Year to you all!!

PS – I also resolve to stop doing this damn holiday themed posts. Except Arbor Day. The material is just a gold mine.

About michellelianna

I'm a transgender woman now in the maintenance stages of transition having all the electrolysis and surgery one can reasonably be expected to undertake. While busy exploring my new world, I took to blogging about it with dubiously popular results. I don't have quite as much to say as I used to, but I'm not quite done yet either.

3 responses »

  1. Pingback: 10 Fun Little Ways to Avoid Transition | Michellelianna

  2. Michelle,
    I read your May 2012 post about dental fears, and see it is still here as #2 on your list now. You KNOW you need to get it taken care of! May I make a couple suggestions? I have gone without a visit to the dentist for as long as 5 years in the past, myself (during one terrible period, very depressed, I didn’t even brush at all for 10 months, though I was eating and sleeping normally).

    First, think carefully about getting all your teeth extracted. If that’s what the dentist says you need to do, then of course, do it. Some, but not all, VA hospitals have great dental and oral surgery clinics, which include implants (those do hurt a lot). The problem with getting all your teeth pulled, rather than crowns and partials, is that it usually changes the shape of your face and jaw over time, not in a good way. Keep that in mind.

    Next, you are very brave to endure facial electrolysis etc, as that hurts sooo much. I can’t take it at all on my eyebrows. I understand your dental pain intolerance issues from your May post. Some hygienists are sadistic, I think! And some dentists are a lot more skilled than others but it is really hard to know. I’ve had HUGE cavities filled, just a novocaine injection for pain, and felt fine. I had all my wisdom teeth extracted with local anesthesia, awake and aware and not in pain. But I have had tooth cleanings as part of a regular visit hurt a lot. Once, I got a minor cavity filled and it hurt much more than the huge ones, or even the wisdom teeth extraction! To find good dentists, the only thing that worked for me was to ask my younger brother, as we have similar pain tolerance and intolerance. I don’t get along with him, but we’re on speaking terms (sort of), and I have never disliked any dentist, or opthalmologist that he said was good.

    Finally, you might try going to a periodontist, if you can get it approved. That isn’t easy, but they, and especially their office staff, are very gentle, careful and use lots of anesthetic. That’s because they work with people who’ve had gum surgery etc.

    Sorry for the lengthy comment! I think I arrived here via reddit (somehow). Best wishes in the new year to you. Please tell use what happens with your dental dilemma, okay?

  3. I believe that New Years resolutions are fine, as long as the motivation comes from my heart’s desire and not for any other reason. As for me, my resolutions are but two, to complete my transition and to have a romantic relationship with another woman, who loves herself as much as she loves me.
    May all your resolutions be from your own heart’s desire and for no other reason than you are worthy of them, my dear Michelle.


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