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Weird Trans* Symptomology (Or Is It Just Me?)


As if we aren’t considered weird enough already (no, it’s true, an old friend even commented here to tell me what I was doing is “inherently insane and weird”), I’ve noticed in comparing notes with other trans folks that some of us share some additional peculiarities. Let’s talk about that for a minute because I can’t help being curious about this. Something coincidental with trans* worth looking more into, or just my usual ramblings? I am thinking of creating a bona fide poll if I can figure out how to do so, but this post will serve as a fleshed out version for the mean time and at least a good reference point should I figure out the poll thingie. The examples, unfortunately, all come directly from my personal experiences.

Please indicate if you experience any of the following symptoms and whether you consider yourself to be trans* or not (it’s not in me to exclude anyone from participating):

1. Every Day is Yesterday Syndrome: Do you have an atypical memory that allows you go back 10, 20, 30 years and more and recall the minute details of some event or conversation? Do you often embarrass the hell out of old friends by recounting blow by blow some incident they desperately hoped everyone forgot? Are you considered to be a huge pain in the derrière when you constantly correct the personal memories of others making them doubt their own sanity? Whether you use this power to annoy the living shit out of everyone around you, or keep it confined to head shakes and quiet eye rolling sighs, you may have this.

2. Count von Countulitis: Do you have difficulty doing math in your head? Particularly easy math, requiring you to either use your fingers or break out your iPhone calculator to figure out the tip on a $10 tab, or divide the check 3 ways? Did you end up in a math heavy field like engineering or accounting by spending countless hours on rote memorization and now thank the living stars every day for the invention of Excel so you can keep the illusion alive? If you have an abacus at your desk, and it’s not just a toy, you may have this.

3. Southlefterly Confusion: If the passenger in your car says, “turn right at the next light”, are you equally as likely to do so as careen across 4 lanes of traffic to get into the left hand turn lane? Do you often hold both hands up so you can visually see which one you write with when someone asks you a left/ right question? Do you find compasses maddening? If someone at work says, “come down to the north side of the building”, do you pull up the Google satellite view and hope the NSEW position indicator is there so you can figure out which side that is? If you feel totally turned around at sunset or frequently infuriate your GPS by forcing it to recalculate, you may have this.

4. I’m ADD, Yeah You Know Me: Has your mind wandered more than 4 times since starting to read this post? Do you often read 3 or 4 books in parallel because it’s really no different to you given your mental wanderings just reading one? Has anyone ever stated, “I know to get anything important in within 30 seconds before your eyes start to glaze over? When someone asks, “what did he just say?” when watching TV, do you never know because you were zoned out? If your brain works in 30 second intervals before moving on to something completely unrelated, you may have this. I have found an upside to this condition; I’m never, ever bored.

5. Comparatative Normalcy: Amongst your group of non-trans* friends, do you still appear to be the “normal” one of the group? Has your favorite cousin repeatedly called you a ‘weirdness magnet’ based on the friends you have managed to attract? Do you ever watch ‘Big Bang Theory’ and think, “yeah, I should be so lucky to be Dr Amy Farrah Fowler.” When you are out as a group, are you not the reason for a change that people keep staring at your table? If people like this have found you, and you befriended them because of your unique ability to look past appearance, behavior, and overall lack of conformity to societal norms in ways that significantly differ from your own personal idiosyncrasies, it may be a good indication you suffer this malady.

6. Lois Laneitis: Were you also astounded the first time you saw Clark Kent take off his glasses? Have you ever worked side by side with someone for years and get confused as to their identity when bumping into them at the mall? Did you ever think two people at work were the same person, and called one of them by the wrong name persistently until you finally happened to see them together? Did you ever find a movie super confusing because you thought two actors or actresses were the same character? The medical term for this is called Prosopagnosia and you may have it if you didn’t realize that was an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie until he said, “I’ll be back.”

7. LoTR Type Fixation: Do you really fricking love ‘Lord of the Rings’? Yeah, this one is a pretty simple yes or no. Every trans person I have thought to ask loves LoTR. I know a lot of people do, but this just might be statistically significant.

I’m sure there are probably more, but let’s face it, we all stopped paying attention like 3 symptoms ago, so I see no reason to drag this out further. Now, let’s see if I can figure out this poll thingie…

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